There was a guy on the subway tonight spouting off unintelligible gibberish, but in a moment of verbal clarity he shrieked to no one in particular, “JUST COME ON OUT AND BE A BIG DYKE!” It was kind of great — but you just know that somewhere on that train, some poor girl’s heart positively stopped and she freaked out, thinking, How does he know?! For her sake, I hope she went straight home to Park Slope and spent the rest of the night drinking cheap wine and fessing up to her roommate, who probably already her suspicions anyhow.
Like I said: The stupid Sox jersey was PLANTED beneath the new stadium last year solely so that it could be excavated this spring as a stunt, and now look! It’s on eBay! So what if it’s being auctioned off for charity? All charities are rendered bullshit when the New York Post is involved.
A text message exchange occurring during last night's Sox-Yankees game, prompted by a moment of footage showing the unearthing of that stupid Sox jersey buried beneath the new Yankees Stadium -- and then brought to an end, presumably by Deadliest Catch.
Me:THEY DID NOT JUST MENTION THE GODDAMN JERSEY...and they filmed it?!
Lock:Best Meme Ever
Me:They fucking filmed the excavation?!
Lock:Why, pray tell?
Me:Because it's a fake story! It's a stunt staged by the nypost, for the nypost! David Simon would be all over this shit.
Lock:I agree with your reasoning, but emotionally I arrive at the opposite end of the spectrum.
Me:Only because it's the Sox, so you think it's cute. Meanwhile, some baby just died of neglect somewhere, and we didn't hear about it bc of this stunt.
Rovzar: There is just so much puke in New York City. You don’t even notice it because it’s everywhere. Me: You just say that because you live in the East Village. Pressler: [interrupting, reading this] Ohmigod, Leven Rambin is NOT a Sweet Valley twin! No! Me: Yep. She is now. Pressler: She does not have blue-green eyes the color of the Pacific Ocean! SHE DOES NOT!
If this is what I'm preoccupied with, I have no business judging a man's fate.
I’m a juror on a criminal trial (no, unfortunately this is not some April Fool’s joke). Right now we’re waiting to go into the courtroom; another jury down the hall is doing the same. Except they’re loud — boisterous, even. At first I was annoyed, but now I’m just curious, maybe even a little jealous. Not that my fellow jurors aren’t friendly; they certainly are. But we’re quiet during our hallway downtime. WE ARE CONTEMPLATING JUSTICE. (Or blogging.) So what’s up with this other jury? Why are they so oddly convivial? How and when did they become 12 Giggling Twits? And why do they get the bouncy Gay who’s making everyone laugh?